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Man Vs Food Honolulu

by Mikey

Adam is in Hawaii for a bunch of places and foods that are great to eat but suck to spell. I’ve yet to go to visit our brothers and sisters on the island except for an occasional visit while watching Hurley eat, Jack frown, Kate pout, Sawyer glare, and Lock think. At some point I’ll cash in all my Kmart Blue light points and pay them a visit.

Honolulu, HI

Adams first stop is the Hukilau Café. He gives us a glimpse of the Hukilau Burger which is a patty, teriyaki beef and a fried egg all on one burger. The only thing missing is the spam. My heart slowed a little just watching him eat it.

The next big thing they have is the Loco Moco. This is two ground beef patties on a bed of rice covered in eggs and tons of gravy. Both looked pretty good I’d get down on both. Though it could use a bit more gravy not all the rice was floating.

Next stop was Helena’s for some traditional Hawaiian food. It looked pretty traditional too. Usually someone will tell you its traditional food and it comes to you in a Styrofoam container with a spork. One of these dishes shows up in leaves. Can’t get anymore traditional then that. Some spiced up pork belly with cod then wrapped up in two types of leaves. The only part that bothered me was watching the dude use his teeth to tighten the leaves up. I don’t really want my chefs teeth involved in my dinner please boil the hell out of mine. For all of you that love Hawaiian naming schemes it’s called Kalua Pig.

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The other big menu item is the Short ribs. The dry the meat out hanging for 5 hours and then fry it up. This looked much better then the pig wrapped in leaves. I can get down on some short ribs. Leaves are only for wiping yourself in the jungle. Little tip, check the leaves for insects. Last thing you want is some foreign spider up your butt.

The final spot for the big showdown is Mac 24-7. The battle is between Adam and 4lbs of 14 inch pancakes with toppings and he has to do it in 90 minutes.

There are two things I don’t like about this. The first thing is I don’t like pancakes so I’m already out of the competition. The second thing is that they must have been going for some television record on how many times they could say Mac Daddy. Yes, yes we know it’s a mac daddy spatula, a mac daddy mixer, a mac daddy stove. You guys are worse then McDonalds.

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Adam gets blueberry and vanilla glaze on his stack and the clock starts. He’s finished with a quarter of the stack in 10 minutes and it doesn’t matter. I know the guy isn’t gonna finish. When the numbers are 300 have tried and 4 have done it only that special someone with a gut that could hide a midget wrestling team is gonna finish this thing.

Sure enough Adam slows down and needs some bacon to help move along the starch and give his pallet a little variety. Alas the pancakes are too much and the clock expires. There was no was these cakes were going down. So I guess there will be no t-shirts, no pictures on the wall. The food was victorious.

Jeez I hate pancakes.

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Man Vs Food – Durham, NC

by Mikey

Adam is in Durham, NC for the Dough man Triathlon relay. Adam and friends are going to compete in a triathlon that also includes some power eating. Will Adam lead his team to victory or will it be defeat? Adam also hits some great spots around town for some great eats. Get yourself a milkshake and cozy yourself around the computer monitor as we all snuggle together for Man Vs Food.

Man Vs Food – North Carolina

Adam starts us off at the Backyard BBQ Pit. It is the only open pit BBQ in Durham. I’m a bit confused on the whole open pit thing. The pit is inside what looks more like a smokehouse. It’s a fire pit of sorts but to me it looks more like a wood burning oven. They said it has something to do with the type of heat and its proximity to the meat. All I know is once they got it all lit up to cook the whole place filled with smoke. This guy cooking must have firemen’s lungs. Usually when smokes fills a room like that your doing the whole wet rag over the face shimmy out the door checkin door handles cause we all saw what happens in Backdraft. Thank you Kurt Russell.

At the BBQ pit pulled pork is the specialty. I also learned that the pork butt they cook to make the pulled pork is actually from the shoulder. Over here in California a pigs butt has nothing to do with its shoulder and if someone offered you some pulled pork off a pigs butt used probably say, “I’ll just have some pie.”

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It actually looks pretty damn good though. It was falling right off the bone and the 12 secret seasonings in the rub looked pretty tasty too.

 

 

 

Next stop was Wimpy’s Grill. At the Grill their special item is the Garbage burger. Horrible name for a tasty burger. Another unique feature about this joint is that they have nowhere to sit. You eat out in your car in the parking lot. What a great way to save clean up.

The Garbage Burger is 2 quarter pound patties, chili, cheese, bacon, pickles, onions, mustard, mayo, ketchup, and their famous slaw. They have their own in house grinder too which they use to make the hamburger and the meat for the homemade chili tender.

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Finally we get to the Dough man’s Triathlon. Adam, a gymnast, a cheerleader, and Dhani Jones all join together for this eating, running, biking, swimming marathon. Here’s how it went:

The cheerleader started team Food Fighter off. She downed a bowl of crab mac and cheese and then runs to the pool. She then swims a lap and Dhani Jones is next. He runs to get to the Bold City BLT and then takes off towards Adams leg on the bike. Adam takes down the Tomato Triple threat and starts his leg of the run. Team Food Fighter is in 6th place out of 54 when Adam tweaks his ankle sliding them down to 23rd. The gymnast takes over taking down the Portable Defibulator burger and then runs for a whole team finish. The team as a whole has to eat a bunch of cupcakes and run for the finish. The team as a whole finishes in 19th which is pretty good after Adam tweaks his ankle. Watching it kinda made me want to throw up. I did this competition at a bbq once where we ate as many hotdogs as we could eat in 15 minutes then run a sprint to the finish. I actually one but ended up giving the bears most of the hot dogs. Running and eating don’t really go together for me.

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Why Brian Doesn’t Like Chinese Food

by Brian

So, basically, I don’t hate Chinese food.  Chinese food hates me.  Or rather, anyone who owns a Chinese food restaurant hates me.  Maybe it’s because I haven’t been to a really good Chinese restaurant, but I keep trying places and getting disappointed.  So this post is dedicated to the top three reasons why Chinese food is about to get bounced off my list of food options.

For the purpose of this post, I’m not referring to chain restaurants like Panda Express.  I actually think the food there is decent.  The only problem with Panda is that I feel like I’m always drawing the short straw when I go there.  I mean, some people always stand in the slowest lane at the grocery store, some people never get the front parking space, but me?  I get the guy at Panda who has to prove how good he is at keeping costs under control.

You know this guy.  He’s the one who gives you the half scoop of beef with broccoli and can eek out 975 servings in a single tray of orange chicken.  I don’t go to Panda anymore.  Not ’cause I don’t enjoy the food, but instead because I don’t want a plate full of rice, garnished with two pieces of orange chicken and a sprig of broccoli.  Actually, since I won’t go there anymore, I’m asking one of you, any of you, to punch that guy in the face next time he gives you that vacant stare when you ask for just a little more kung pao chicken.  Right in the face.   And tell him Brian sent ya. Continue reading

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Hungover? Let a UCSB Grad Help

by Brian

Hey everybody,

With all the eating (and drinking) that I’ve been doing lately, I thought I would dip into my well of knowledge and share a couple things about man’s greatest affliction.  I’m not talking Cancer, Heart Disease or anything like that.  I’m talking hangovers, people.  The hangover is a menace that has plagued society from the time of the ancient Egyptians and the sad thing is that we are no closer to curing it today, than we were so many thousands of years ago.

I know some of you will say that the only cure for a hangover is to not drink.  To those people I say, “Shut it!”  Why should we avoid the greatness that is booze.  I mean, even Benjamin Franklin considered beer to be a gift from God and if it’s good enough for Ben, it’s good enough for me. Continue reading

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Brian fell off the wagon and landed on Chili Cheese Fries

by Brian

I have to start this post by saying thanks to Mikey.  Your goddamned mini sirloin burger post has me craving all kinds of junk food.  I didn’t even think they looked appetizing, it was that freaking jingle that set me off.  But rather then go full-on into the fast food, I decided to seek out a fast food alternative and one of Thousand Oaks’ hidden gems.

P & L Burgers – On Avenida De Los Arboles between Erbes and the 101, Thousand Oaks

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I wasn’t in the mood for a burger since Mikey and I grilled up some great ones on Monday.  I guess that was the start of the problem.  But rather than ignore it, in the vain hope that it will go away, I decided to embrace the craving. Continue reading

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The Inaugural EatMeCalifornia Dinner and a Movie

by Brian

For the second time in three days we are debuting a new column on the site. This one, unlike deadliest catch, is not going to be every week. What we are aiming to accomplish though, is to see one of the newest movies in theaters and then find a review to pair with it, hence the name “Dinner and a Movie.”

For our first attempt, I saw Crank: High Voltage.

Yeah, I thought he died in the first one too.

Yeah, I thought he died in the first one too.

Continue reading

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