Uniquely Thai

by Mikey

I had a movie to get to, so I had to find something nearby and something quick.  I had about 30 minutes to work with, so I decided to hit this little Thai joint that is right next to the theater.  On the outside of the building it says Thai To Go, but the lady running the place told me its actually called Uniquely Thai, so we will go with that.  It’s a really little place that seats 10 at the most, but they are attached to a food court so there is plenty of seating around it.  I was hoping for a quick hearty meal.  What I got was…….

Uniquely Thai – Off of Johnson next to Century 16 Theaters

My first impression of this place is that it’s under new ownership.  Most of what they have on the menu is pictured on the wall and they offer as much help as a hobo with schizophrenia when trying to find out what’s good.  I asked 3 different times what would be good and all I got was a vacant stare.  It was kinda like asking a Zebra how it got its stripes.  Basically the Zebra will look at you and acknowledge your existence, but he ain’t givin up anything.

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I went with the pepper steak, because the picture looked good enough and it sounded pretty good.  It was steak, marinated and cooked along with green peppers, carrots, pineapple, and onions in their special sauce.

It took maybe 10 minutes to put together and they lady dropped it off to me then ran away like it was a bomb.  I was hoping that she just had other customers but I did a deodorant check just in case.

This was probably the worst Thai dinner I have ever had.  The pepper steak was few and far between.  I felt like a lion searching the deserts of Africa trying to find just one friggin gazelle leg to get me by.  The meat I found was stringy and small.  If this was beef, then it was from a cow that just found out he had some kind of incurable disease and choose to end it all by sky diving off the farm silo.  It was tasteless.  I pictured the cook throwing spices in the air with his eyes closed wondering if any landed on the meat.  The green peppers were probably ripe and ready a few days ago.  Now they were going from a green to a nice off-brown.  The pineapple would be ripe in about 2 days, but I had a movie to get to, so I had to avoid it.  The carrots were ok, but jeez, if you screw up a carrot you might just be retarded.  The onions were also tolerable though they were also a little hard to come by.  The meal it self was very soupy.  Luckily, they give you some undercooked rice to help sop it all up.

All in all, the dinner was horrible and I’m really surprised this place is still able to survive.  There was no real spice to speak of and the whole dinner was very bland.  I obviously picked the wrong picture.  It’s a shame, really, because being next to a theater there is a lot of potential.  The new owners should invest some money and make it into one of those places that serves those ice cream dots.

There is a lot of competition around this theater so if you’re looking for food before your movie I’d hit the Just BBQ or the China Dynasty across the street.  I’d hit Taco Bell before I’d go back to these guys.  Hell, I’d hit up one of those guys pushing around a tamale cart before going back.  They actually made me want to pay 40 bucks for a hot dog and a coke at the theater. Unfortunately, I still have a box of Jr Mints and a slurpy on layaway.

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5 Comments

Filed under Ventura, Ventura County

5 responses to “Uniquely Thai

  1. Liz

    Good ol’ Mikey humor! Love it!

  2. Lee Trachtenberg

    What? Never going back there to Thai one on? Thai it again, Mikey. I came all the way from Phoenix to experience California-Thai fusion cuisine. I was counting on these people. They steamed out the taste, huh?; did they at least leave a few nutrients? I’m going home. Roadrunner roadkill sounds better than this. Great review, Mikey.

  3. John Hillman

    Pepper Steak is a Chinese dish. It is not unusual for “Thai” placed to offer Chinese dishes because the real Thai foods tend to be less visually appealing. Most do have a lot of spice in them as well.

    The name “Uniquely Thai” belies the fact that this seems to be another Chinese restaurant.

    (I go to a Thai Buddhist temple regularly THAT is where you get real Thai “Unique” food.

    • Mikey

      Thanks John, for reading and for the extra info. I’ve recentley hit another thai place I will be throwing up here soon.

      • Mikey

        I just re read that. I don’t mean that I will be throwing up. I mean that I am gonna put it online. Whew that was close. I don’t want Time Magazine to mis quote me

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