Deadliest Catch – Long Haul, Short Fuses

by Mikey

We are steamin’ through King crab season and this episode, appropriately named, shows the stress and the strain of being stuck with the same dudes working a 36 hour shift.


Can you imagine having to work side by side with that guy in the office that likes to quote lines from Spaceballs, or the dude that finishes every sentence with, “Can I get a what what?”

I personally couldn’t do it.  Now you throw in the fact that you’re not catching any crab?  People start to get a bit testy.  At your work, you’re still getting paid.  On a crab boat, if you’re not pulling up crab, you’re not only stuck out there with people that make you want to beat a Koala with a tree branch but you’re also not making any money.  These guys get a cut of the off-load, if there is no off-load then there is no moola.

The Time Bandit heads into St Paul and off-loads their boat.  Excellent numbers means big money and the Time Bandit is putting away the crab.  They unload the boat and get right back to it, where we find their deck hand Mike is almost taken out by a crab pot when a dog isn’t secured properly.  These pots weigh 1000 lbs and once they are in motion you don’t want to be near one.  The dogs are the clamps that hold the pot to the ramp so you can secure bait before dumping it overboard. 

The Time Bandit comes back after putting out the string to bring up some more pots and Mike loses both hooks while trying to snag one. A boat only has 2 hooks, but Mike gets lucky because they are able to get the last lost hook which was caught on a buoy.

Our friends on the Cornelia Marie are struggling to keep up any kind of consistent numbers.  After bringing up single digits, Murray the relief Captain, decides to make a jump 80 miles and fish on new grounds. This is essentially starting over and is a very big gamble because of the time you lose in travel.  While they are steaming to the new grounds, deck hand Freddie takes a Seagull shot to the eye, which is hilarious.  Then he eats some which is not so hilarious.  In fact, I threw up in my mouth a little.  Meanwhile, the Harris brothers are fighting over baited pots making for a great brotherly exchange.

The Lisa Marie continues to struggle with low numbers. Our hugarian deck hand sums it up the best, “Is no good”.  Captain Wade decides to look for new grounds as well.  The problem is that his small boat can only hold 60 pots.  A boat like the Cornelia Marie, which is a typical size for the fleet, holds 140. This is a huge gamble for the Lisa Marie and Captain Wade is doing it off radio tips.  This is something they call Radio Fishing and it’s not a good way to get your crew behind you.

The Wizard is also in a bit of a funk and decides to bait heavy. What Captain Keith doesn’t know is that the bait is running low.  Once he finds out, he’s not happy and a deck hand we shall nickname Captain Obvious says, “You have to have bait to catch crab.”

You’re kidding me?  You do?  I thought the little clawed retards just walked right in the pot thinking they were wandering into some great new condo. “Hey this cage is a great place to hide from fisherman!”

The great part is when Captain Keith calls Captain Sig on the Northwestern and asks for bait. Captain Keith goes on about how fisherman all help each other when they are at seas and then we pan to Captain Sig who is ignoring the radio call.  That’s why I dig you Captain Sig!

The Wizard ends up cod fishing for bait and when Keith goes to take a nap Monte takes over and spots a herd of Walrus.  It was actually pretty cool to see them out there.  When Keith finds out Monte didn’t wake him to see the Walrus he’s pissed and yells at his brother.  I was left thinking to myself, damn this dude really likes Walrus.

If we are on a boat and I’m taking a nap, you can all let me sleep through a walrus.  If you see the Brazilian Bikini Team on a party boat playing twister you best wake my ass up, or I will beat you with a fish.

Apparently Keith has a right to be mad, because he lays a string right where the Walrus were and ends up with killer crab numbers.  Apparently the Walrus was a good luck charm.

On the Northwestern they are grinding on low numbers and greenhorn Jake is getting sloppy with setting the lines on the pot.  Edgar comes after him and Jake starts to argue back.  I’m really surprised Jake would come at Edgar, because on this boat you just don’t argue with Edgar.  He’s the absolute man on the Northwestern.  Just nod your head and do it right next time.

Jake doesn’t listen to me and starts throwing crab into the tub. Edgar comes at him again because this is about his money.  Crabs that are beaten, broken and dead don’t sell.  Jake fights back again and pretty much gets it put back into his face again.  As Edgar always says, “if you don’t like it then get off the boat.”  This is a 180 for Jake, who was Edgar’s puppy dog last season.  He’s going to get his ass kicked off the boat if he keeps this up.

The final crab count of the episode shows the Wizard on top and the Lisa Marie workin the basement.  I can’t wait to see what happens next week.

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