Sex, Lies, and the Subway Tuscan Chicken Sandwich

by Mikey

When it comes to marketing product Subway and Jared put a lot of cash into catchy jingles and big product pictures.  When it comes down to it though, I’ve always felt this need to punch Jared in the kidney and that damn five dollar foot long song makes me want to go to the mall and trip old people.  Subway has always been one of those places that are everywhere and I’m sure most of you have experienced a sandwich there.  I grabbed one of their Tuscan chicken sandwiches because its being pushed to the public, but I think we can all agree that any sandwich Subway has ever promoted has been a disappointment.

Subway – Tuscan Chicken Sandwich

My first issue with Subway is that they must not tell their employees how to construct one.  I’m guessin’ the employees would much rather have you go in there and tell them exactly what you want and how to make it, rather then just say, “give me the Tuscan chicken sandwich.”  This is probably they third time I’ve requested a marketed sandwich that the employee asked me a question on every part of construction.  I keep saying give me the Tuscan Chicken that you advertise in the window and they keep asking me, what kind of bread, what kind of cheese, what kind of veg?  Can you imagine Olive Garden having a new pasta dish and then taking you to the kitchen to tell the chef what you want in it?  If it’s on the menu you should kinda know what’s in it if someone requests the exact sandwich.

subway comparison

There are no big surprises here.  You can see in the pictures that the sandwich is nowhere near the picture they offer.  The flat sandwich bread, the small pieces of chicken, the lifeless lettuce and tomato, are nothing compared to the sandwich pictured in their marketing campaign.  The sandwich they show is damn sexy.  The chicken is full, the produce is jumping out, and the bread is like a small wheat cloud that you can take a nap on.

As far as flavor, this particular sandwich had so much of their vinegar dressing on it that it was pretty much the only flavor that stood out.  The chicken they give you is tolerable, but I prefer the chicken breasts they use in their regular chicken sandwiches.  Believe it or not, I don’t actually mind Subway.  Their prices have always been reasonable and you can usually have them make you a decent sandwich for 6 bucks.  There are plenty of choices to make and in most Subways their produce is okay.

To me Subway’s biggest issues are the sandwiches as a whole.  You can go to a Subway 7 days a week and potentially, you can get a different sandwich each time.  I’m not talking about variety in product as much as variety in how it’s made.  Depending on who’s putting it together and how well their day is going, you can get a good sandwich or a sandwich that looks like it just got in a fight with a steam roller.  The bottom line, however, is that for the most part you walk away with a flat lifeless sandwich 80% of the time.  They need to let the bread rise, cut a thicker cut on the produce, and not be so dependant on heavy condiments.  For a place that depends on freshness of ingredients they need to let the produce, meat, cheese and bread speak for them themselves.

The Tuscan Chicken is just an example of a heavily marketed sandwich that is as lifeless and pathetic as watching Dan Rather and Mike Wallace arm wrestle shirtless with Joan Rivers as the round girl.


Filed under Everywhere

14 responses to “Sex, Lies, and the Subway Tuscan Chicken Sandwich

  1. Liz

    Nice work Mikey. Great review.

  2. Liz

    Well duh! You vote too! LOL

  3. Chris

    I was feeling queasy just looking at the picture of the “real” Tuscan sandwich (gross + pathetic — that one piece of lettuce is hanging out of the sandwich like someone shot and killed it). But I actually got sick to my stomach at the mental image of Rather and Wallace shirtless. Ew!

  4. Jeff

    Well sheesh…at Subway, the Tuscan is as far as the meat…we dont know what cheese or vegetables you like on it! and an Olive Garden has what it has on it in the menu, at Subway, you be the boss…Subway – “Have it your way” Unless we dont know what your way is of course!

  5. Sandra-A1

    Well said!!!
    A copy of this should be sent to Subway’s corporate headquarters!
    I have had the exact same problem with the Subway’s here.

    If the company is going to take the time and effort to create a new speciality sandwich then each of the franchises need to also receive instructions on exactly how to make that particular sandwich…AND…the owner/manager of those franchises needs to make sure that the employees have that information right in front of them. Then the next time a customer orders one they will be able to get THAT exact sandwich!!!!

  6. John Hillman

    One of the main points about Subway is that you will NOT be getting the same sandwich that everyone gets.

    If you want the SAME all the time go to the rest of the fast food places that have pre-done food delivered.

    Marie Callendar for instance. You CAN buy their entrees in the frozen food section because those are the exact same thing you get at the restaurant.

    If there was too much vinegar dressing it was your fault for not taking responsibility for what was put on your sandwich.

    Subway is NOT for lazy foodies. YOU have to participate.

  7. MichaelTez

    you complain because you get to choose what kind of bread and veggies your sub is made of? That is truly bizarre… how can someone possibly complain about having the power to choose? Are you saying you would actually rather have them tell you exactly what kind of vegetables you will be having and on what kind of bread your sandwich will be served rather than CHOOSING it yourself? I really can’t wrap my head around that concept. You must be a very sick and twisted individual. Do you get some sort of sexual thrill out of being told what to do??

    oh and if there was too much vinegar dressing on the sub then you could have just asked the person to take some of it off!!! its not hard champ.

    • Mikey

      Though I will completley admit to being sick and twisted you guys are not realizing what I’m pointing out here. If Subway creates a special sandwich like the tuscan chicken or whatever it is a branded sandwich with specific ingredients and whoever makes it should know whats in it. Thats not what happens. They go down the list and ask you every ingredient thus changing the sandwich advertised. So if you bother to have specific menu items your employees should know what they are. I should be able to say..I would like the Tuscan chicken sandwich as its intended without playing the subway guessing game. I’m not talking about a normal sub your walking into order. These are specific subway made menu items. By the way would you seriously ask someone to remove a liquid dressing from your sandwich? Do you have them wring it out for you or suck it up with a straw?

  8. Jay Wallace-

    not everyone’s a chef. I don’t tell my favorite rock band how to make a song i like. we obviously go to pro’s and try out their styles and creations to see which one we like.

    I agree with mikey, i’m always stuck asking should this go with cheddar, swizz or provolone, my day job is sandwich artisan

  9. Dustijn

    Mike, your problems are bigger than you know. Subway is not healthy, at all! I worked there for a year and all the meat is “processed”, the vegetables all come form third world countries where regualtions are not as stringent as ours, and you know what the wheat bread is the white bread with chemicals added to turn it brown. Sure they add some whole grain but form where? The chemicals are the issue. Do you know why people claim to lose wait from eating subway even “fresh fit” my one and only perk beyond my paycheck was a free sandwhich every work day, guess what, that prompted several trips to the restroom before being able to go to sleep. They are poisoning the world. Don’t believe me? Go directly to them and search the ingredients of the bread? Don’t believe me? Ask them to tell you where the veggies come from. Don’t believe me? Search the ingredients and methods of the animals that go into the meat. It is real simple i became suspicious after a few months and took me about an hour to track most the information down much of which was founs on subway webiste and jotting down ingredients. What is the least calorie subway sandwhich? Six inch “white” bread and ham not wheat look on your napkin next time you go in unless they have changed it but info still on webiste

    • Mikey

      Wow I apreciate the comments brother. And I most certainly believe what your saying. I wish the athletes of the world would stop sponsoring them and start sponsoring food thats actually fresh and wont give you IBS

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