Hells Kitchen and Sexy Enchiladas

by Mikey

It’s time for the weekly buffet of everything EatmeCalifornia.  This week I had a lot going on so I’m not going to be as long winded as usual.  Though typically Brian is the more verbose of this duo, (mostly because he knows more big words then I do).

First, big thanks goes out to my counterpart, not only does he write his own articles and do his own research but he also takes care of editing my stuff too.  I have absolutely no patience with the English language and would rather just put up a couple pictures of food with me pointing at then and saying, “Mike think taco good”.  The other picture would be me frowning, “Mike think vegetable bad”.

If that were our site, then we would get more of the NFL’s demo.  But we wouldn’t really reach the masses.  So this bud’s for you, editor of the EatmeCalifornia site, without you my shit ain’t no good.

Alright so a couple quick reviews of some franchise food:

I tried an angus burger at McDonalds and I gotta say, I think it’s the first time I’ve seen grey meat.  I took a picture of it but it didn’t come out.  I think that evil ass clown Ronald and his purple bouncer Grimace put the hex on my camera. Seriously folks this burger was grey.  I don’t mean off-brown, slightly tan, or a shade dark.  Friggin grey!  The funny part is that it tasted fine.  Though Mickey D’s tries way too hard.  They hide their grey meat with under a huge bun and a ton of lettuce.  The populous learned long ago that McDonalds is not for quality it’s for speed. So don’t bother McDonalds, we’re not in line because its gourmet. Obviously though, I recommend you avoid McDonalds.  Make some time to get a quality burger. Damn I miss that red checkered big boy!

Taco bell is pushing a grande quesadilla, which you can skip.  It’s a little sloppier, but other than that, only the price is different.

Also, I got some of Burger King’s mini burgers and took them to the park.  Let me tell you, not one hot chick came up to me to talk about my mini burgers.  I even held one up to show a hot chick walking her dog and all she said was, “Yeah you need that”.  What the hell?  Total false advertising on the mini burgers.  Not to mention they suck.  You want mini burgers?  Check the appetizer menu at Claim Jumper, or even Chili’s.  They’re much tastier and hot chicks think you have more class cause you’re not down with the King.

Mexican Express – Telephone/Saticoy

I found this place completely by accident coming home from soccer practice. Yep, that’s right, fat man plays soccer.  Though right now I’m just coaching.  A shout out to my lovely ladies Fire and Ice!  My feisty bunch of 9 year olds will be rockin AYSO for the next 8 weeks.  We already won our first game.

Sorry.  I am easily distracted.

So Mexican Express is tucked away behind a liquor store and some other boring brown buildings.  I was starving, so I said “Why not?”  Honestly, I usually avoid any place that has the word express in their name.  The name itself sounds more like one of those Mexican wrestlers, doesn’t it?

They have tons of stuff on the menu, all of it typical Green burrito, taco stand kinda stuff.  I searched the menu for anything out of the ordinary and found something great in the Enchiladas Aztecas.  I dug the name, but more so dug the ingredients. They had tomatilla sauce instead of your typical red sauce and a  couple corn tortillas served more like a pie instead of a wet burrito.

This is pure take-out food, don’t go there to eat.  However, they do deliver, which is great.  I love anything beyond pizza that can be delivered, so I can keep watching Survivor or my other favorite Hells Kitchen.

The flavors in the enchilada are incredible. You get the sharp cheddar, the beef which is flavorful and marinated, the tomatilla sauce which has this awesome lime flare, and the jalapeno which blends in perfectly.  It was actually a very, very, very good dish.  I would order it again, and this time, have it delivered.  I also sampled, their nachos, which were not very good.  There was too much guac, sour cream, and salsa on them.  The chips were reduced to mush and they quickly became unpleasant to eat.  Their salsa is ok.  It ranks up there with typical store bought salsa.  Their chips are fine.  So far, Baja Fresh is the only place where I enjoy taking chips home.

If you live in Ventura, especially on the East end, then call them up and order a few things.  Definitely include the Enchiladas Aztecas, and then maybe stick to their burritos and tacos.  Stay away from the nachos, unless you get everything on the side, which is a pain in the ass.

Finally, Hell’s Kitchen was awesome, though I have stopped watching it for the food.  Most of Chef Ramsey’s shows display incredible recipes and different styles of food.  This season has been a big side a beef and chefs who can’t cook chicken or pasta.  It’s evident that everyone who can actually cook auditions for Top Chef or Iron Chef.

Colleen was booted this week.  But since I found her to be a female version of Seth, I was not disappointed to see her go.  There are still at least 6 more chefs I’d ax on this show.  You wonder to at some point if someone is going to snap and cut Ramsey’s throat.  This week, I thought Robert AKA “Don’t call me Bobby”, was almost there.

A final request to all of you out there:  Please find me a place that you think has the best shrimp dish on the face of this earth.  I need a quality shrimp dish; I’ve never been anywhere that knows quality when it comes to shrimp.

If anyone suggests Red Lobster I’m going to virtually hit you in the neck.