Tag Archives: sorrow

Why Brian Doesn’t Like Chinese Food

by Brian

So, basically, I don’t hate Chinese food.  Chinese food hates me.  Or rather, anyone who owns a Chinese food restaurant hates me.  Maybe it’s because I haven’t been to a really good Chinese restaurant, but I keep trying places and getting disappointed.  So this post is dedicated to the top three reasons why Chinese food is about to get bounced off my list of food options.

For the purpose of this post, I’m not referring to chain restaurants like Panda Express.  I actually think the food there is decent.  The only problem with Panda is that I feel like I’m always drawing the short straw when I go there.  I mean, some people always stand in the slowest lane at the grocery store, some people never get the front parking space, but me?  I get the guy at Panda who has to prove how good he is at keeping costs under control.

You know this guy.  He’s the one who gives you the half scoop of beef with broccoli and can eek out 975 servings in a single tray of orange chicken.  I don’t go to Panda anymore.  Not ’cause I don’t enjoy the food, but instead because I don’t want a plate full of rice, garnished with two pieces of orange chicken and a sprig of broccoli.  Actually, since I won’t go there anymore, I’m asking one of you, any of you, to punch that guy in the face next time he gives you that vacant stare when you ask for just a little more kung pao chicken.  Right in the face.   And tell him Brian sent ya. Continue reading

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