This is a classic EatmeCalifornia drive by. Nobody told me to visit Mr. Lee’s and nobody said they had great food. It was a ninja ambush of the highest degree. Would Mr. Lee be ready for culinary combat?
Mr. Lee’s Chinese Food Ventura – Thompson/Borchard
I took a picture of the outside of Mr. Lee’s and it was definitely not my best work. I decided to take another one after lunch because I was pretty hungry. Mr. Lee’s is fairly small and only has one dining room. I’d say, at the most, 50 people could be comfortable. After that, it would get to be more like a clown car. The inside is pretty beat up, the ceiling is stained, the walls are a bit dirty, and there are a lot of patches and covering.
I experienced an EatmeCalifornia first at Mr. Lee’s. My waiter never said a word to me. I’m not exaggerating; I’m not just saying he mumbled, I’m saying he never spoke one word to me. They sat me down, brought me water and tea, gave me a menu and then did a ninja vanish. 5 minutes later he re-appeared with notebook in hand, stood by me and waited. I had said hello at my arrival but now the ninja battle of silence had begun, so I decided not to talk as well.
I went to the lunch specials and pointed at the Mongolian beef, steamed rice, and crab meat wantons. I nodded. He nodded. It was on.
He brought me my hot-n-sour soup which comes with the lunch, and the crab meat wantons. The wantons were not deep fried. They must have been baked because the tops were burnt and by the shape of the wanton, physics would prevent them from burning this way unless they had been baked. Plus the bottoms were soggy. It’s too bad, because the filling was really good. They had plenty of crab meat and a really nice, rich cream cheese.
Their hot-n-sour soup is okay. It’s a bit on the bland side and was so hot that I had to wait ’til I got lunch to eat it.
My Mongolian beef arrived and I could see right away our ninja battle was getting bloody. Instead of steamed rice, I got fried rice. There was enough green onion and leeks to choke a yak, and the egg roll was hotter than Vulcan’s penis. I had to wait until everything else was eaten to even get close to the egg roll and when I finally did, it was awful, greasy, tasteless, and low quality.
The beef itself had a great sauce but the meat quality was poor. It was stringy, way to thin, and chewed more like gum. Plus, like I said earlier, it was loaded with green onion and I mean the entire green onion, from stem to stern. There must have been twenty of ’em cut up and thrown in. Still no words between us.
My water and tea was gone but I held on like a trooper waiting to see if he’d refill it and then disappear in a puff of smoke. Nope. After bringing me the main course he only appeared one more time with the check. That is an absolute first for me, to never speak a word to my waiter. I found out that if I was mute and deaf I could still get my lunch. so that was a plus. I’d blame the lunch rush hour for his lack of communication, but being that you can see all 4 people in the tiny dining room it was obvious that he was just not a talker. I’m thinking a career change may be in order.
With the ninja battle near the end, I had only one move left. The infamous Mikey – no talky no tippy. It was a bold move, I know, and it only comes out in the most dire of circumstances. I was reeling from the lackluster beef, the burnt wantons, the rancid egg roll and I had to make a final move. A mortal kombat finishing move!
I lingered a bit so he could see no tip coming and waited. Fatality! Mikey Wins.
On a good note I did get an interesting fortune. It said, “You will be coming into a fortune”. This could mean a lot of money, or just another cookie.