Hells Kitchen and the French Revolution

by Mikey

This last week’s Hells Kitchen started off great. We just watched Carol get axed and now we were gonna get to see 2 more who are in desperate need of the boot in Ben and Andrea. I’m thinking that Gordon is finally reading my letters and is about to just start going Soprano on this kitchen and wack the dead weight.

Nope! He is just being all reality twistified by just torturing two people with horrible self esteem by announcing there is now only one team.  But what you, me, and the rest of the world know, is that there are only a couple good chefs there and the rest are just waiting for the noose.

The remaining chefs compete in an individual cook off with 14 ingredients. Andrea again treats us to her dinner with accessories, proving that she is just as slow as when she came in. Everyone else makes a surprisingly good effort and it comes down to Ben and Danny. Listening to Ben talk about his dish is allot like listening to Dan Rather tell you his goals and dreams from age 3 to present. I’d rather attempt to listen to Conway Twitty’s greatest hits covered by the Spice Girls.

This is sauce. Can you say Saaaaauce?

This is sauce. Can you say Saaaaauce?

Ben’s babble finally puts Gordon in a trance and he picks Ben’s dish. Ben then picks Robert for a trip through the Culinary world of San Fransisco. Gordon then has his people verify that Robert can actually cross the golden gate bridge. We all sit and wonder if Robert will be able to enjoy the reward.

Meanwhile the rest of the team needs to take care of deliveries and handle the prep work. This is where we see the break down of Giovani, he’s not a bad cook but this has obviously jacked him up. He dropped a few boxes and went into a few whiny I’m-too-old-for-this-shit tirades.

Dinner service begins and we watch Robert screw up scallops, and get yet another glimpse at Andrea’s genius as she has no clue what needs to be done.

Paula saves the bad start because we all know she is one of the better chefs. I’d say at this point they should just let her and Danny go at it.

Giovani shows us that chicken is a mystery to him as he serves it up still clucking. Then Andrea mystifies us with her lack of brain or memory. Gordon asks her to repeat an order. She can’t. He tells her again. She still can’t. At this point Gordon has had enough and Andrea is out the front door to look for her brain.

Here is where history is blown apart and the future is change as JP goes after Andrea to give her an old fashioned rally the troops speech. Ah JP, where were you when the German Army was at the gates. Who would have ever thought a French guy could give a motivational speech to keep on fighting. I was thinking he was going to go tell her that when she runs away she should learn to adapt to a foreign power.

The speech works, Viva La Retard! Andrea comes in and gets back to work. The fireworks in the kitchen keep going as Gordon and Gio go at it. Gio, at this point, is that old dog that growls at you when you try to get him out of the way. He shoots a bit back at Gordon and we all realize its going to be bye bye Gio. He goes out in style by taking out a sizzling pan from the fridge and runs it into Robert who is going by him, or going to embrace him I’m not sure which.

Robert gets burned by the pan and Gio feels the cold fingers of Scottish Kitchen Reapers dragging him back to Applebee’s.

At the end of the service Paula is told to pick the worst and Gio and Andrea are on the hot seat. Despite Gio’s performance I would have still gotten rid of Andrea. Either way, they both need to go so who’s first or second doesn’t matter. Gordon kicks out Gio and he is free to under cook chicken ’til the end of time.

We are then given the pleasure of seeing Robert’s enormous gut while he’s in bed sleeping. I’m disturbed to find out the producers thought this is what America wanted to see. Anyway, Gordon get everyone up and we found out his plan is to close Hell’s Kitchen. The chefs do their “holy shit, no way” looks and then we are watching credits.

Gordon is a man who believes in money, so I’m sure the closing wont last. We still have a ways to go before we get to Paula vs Danny.

Good stuff coming up this week on EMC so keep checking in. We have a new section coming out so stay tuned for that too!

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